So all since January, I've fallen back into the Spiral I was in once, now it seems to carry on down. Almost as if the wells of the deep, dark pit I've slipped into, had walls coated in grease that made my fingers sore from clawing at them, but of no use.
The unending number of exams I've had to prepare and write for also piled this huge amount of College course-end anxiety, neurotic thoughts, fears and deep sense of foreboding. Every time I try to rise back up, I fall double the depth inwards. It's reached an event horizon of a black-hole of depression. You crumble under the sheer gravity of the weight of the morbid thoughts and feelings. Perhaps it collapses uncontrollably and never-still till it is wiped out of existence.
The stress is just like the weight of a mountain on an already crawling snail. Usually it is squashed, but sometimes even if it has that super power, it can only move slower than it ever did, the distance traveled being infinitesimal. The goal is ever far now.
Talking to my cousin has helped me a bit, because I adore him to pieces and while we were talking about how weird my thinking was from others', he told me that it wasn't the strangeness that made it so, but the novelty. Out-of-the-box.
And I told him about what I wrote in an essay for my Google interview (that got me selected in the first round and I went on to the final one where they decided they didn't want campus recruits) for a topic given - "My Favourite Place". he said I should write one again sometime, and I got a little motivated to do so:
My Favourite Place
My favourite place is not even tangible, but it's real and visible. While the sights and physical manifestations of the World are easy to love, my favourite has to be The Human Mind.
'Is it a place?' you may ask. Well, it surely shares most characteristics with a tangible reality; we cannot go everywhere in it, only the Greatest minds have the capacity to venture deep and reach far distances.
Yes, it has distances. The vastness of each mind is distinctly independent of another's. They are never the same and each one has it's own cultures, values, morals, ideas and customs.
It is diverse. When two independent people meet, it is not the kind of meeting involving unfamiliarity, but as tie goes by, it is a meeting of thoughts; of who they are. It is the cafe of conversations, new encounters; fond memories are made here, leaving an unforgettable impression.
As we travel through our lives and consciousness, we may reach new areas of our personality we never dreamed was living within us, all vastly different from the past.
We can travel and move around. We can even go back or go away. As we get acquainted with our conscience or spirit, we talk and do things there with them.
Yes, we can meet new ideas and people and have conversations. Oh, and the setting and travel partners are almost usually different every time!
It is a place of the unexpected. Just like luck, fate and destiny change, it does too. We never know what the future holds. It is dynamic and full of surprises!
Our thoughts and influences are not always good. They can be very ecstatic, mundane or cast us down the bottom of the deepest woes. The mind has the good, the bad and the ugly, just like our tangible lands.
Possibly the last thing, but not the least I can think of, is that we never know where we're going.
Don't you see it now? How real it is, and so close to us and yet so far from reach...maybe we just can't touch it because we are in the wrong place.
Everything we have as a people, as a sentient species, is the result of our lives in The Human Mind. Not so frequently, but ever so often, we have people who have traveled, met and brought back to this World what they have encountered in their minds- an emptiness full of meaning just waiting to be understood. Forgive the pun.
All our achievements, our knowledge, our art, culture, ideologies...all of it was born in the Mind. It is the place where it all happens- creativity, brainstorming, debates, planning, anticipation, passion, innovation, improvization, research and most important of all, the birth and growth of Culture. It is the place where questions arise, answers are sought and present themselves, beauty is processed, philosophy is born, and where there is understanding and comprehension.
No matter where I go, I always want to live in my favourite place- The Human Mind, as it encompasses everything tangible, intangible, comprehensible, the incomprehensible and yet to be discovered.
Oh! How much Gold there is to be found! And because of my greed, I will always head to the place where I find the most prospects of Gold.
Wow,
ReplyDeleteI know this is an older entry, but I really liked what you said about so many paths and the ingredient of chance.
good stuff
-TechnetiumFTW from interpals.